1000 Oceans
by xolidja
Summary: A single kiss can change everything. But not always the way we want. Tai and Matt are going to see that first hand.
1. I'm Burning Can't You See?

**(**I got bored, and decided to continue with my idea. It seems late nights are good times for me. Especially if I can't sleep and it's like 2 in the morning. -shrug- So I wrote the first chapter of my new story. And I'm actually remotely satisfied with it. Which is odd, because usually after rereading something I wrote I end up despising it..

If you have some spare time and want to help me become a better writer; write a constructive review. Tell me what you liked, whatt I could have done better, what you'd like to see, etc. Even if you hated it, but you still give me some tips on how to improve I will greatly appreciated it. Even more then a praising review with no substance.

And of course, I don't own digimon, or tokio hotel (whose songs I may or may not continue to use as titles)**)**

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**I'm Burning, Can't You See?  
**

Heart was pounding like crazy, as Matt hastily took a step away from Tai. Rich blue eyes were wide in shock. No words could even begin to express how fucking confused he was. And now he had no idea what to do next. He couldn't deny that he had enjoyed it; at least he couldn't to himself. At the same time he couldn't ignore the strange feeling this had created. This was Tai; TAI for God's sake. The obnoxious boy he had grown up with, the guy he had gone through hell with, his best friend, his future best man, the person who had stopped him from killing himself.

And the only guy who had ever kissed him…

He was at a complete loss of what to do. And Tai was no better off.

The brunette just knelt there on that stone roof. Palms were pressed hard against the concrete, as he tried desperately to recall exactly what just happened. Shortly after the 'heroic' move, the poor boy had collapsed to the ground. A dazed look enacted in his eyes. Had he really done that? What in the world possessed him to do something that, that _disgusting_? Shit.

"Tai," Matt's calm tone of voice caused the crouching boy to look up. Hope flooded his eyes, praying that his friend could explain what happened and that everything was going to be alright, "that never happened."

No emotion clung to the singer's voice, as he stared coolly at his friend. He winced lightly at the pained look that formed on his friend's face, but that wasn't enough to change his mind. Come on, there was no way he could be gay. He'd lose practically all his fans, and the band would die off. No, he couldn't have that happen. Not when they were soo close to reaching stardom.

"Fine," Tai replied, slowly lifting himself off the ground, "it's all just some fucked up dream then?" Tone was bitter, as he glanced over at Matt. Seeing that he was about to protest, Tai went on.

"Hate to break it to you, but it did happen." Chocolate eyes studied the strange expression that had formed on his closest friend. "So you can deny it all you want, but it doesn't change anything."

For a moment Matt was stunned, and then he snapped.

"Look Tai," blood boiled, and hand was clamped tightly into a fist, "I'm not fucking gay, I'm not even bi. I'm **STRAIGHT**! Do you understand?"

Voice shook as he watched Tai take a step back; caught off guard from the explosion that was Matt's temper. And he wasn't done.

"I don't care if you are, but I'm not." He added, the fumes beginning to die down. "I just can't be…"

Tai just blinked, and slowly he nodded.

"Fine you're not gay," Tai replied, sparing a glance at the edge of the roof, "and you also didn't intend to commit suicide."

It was surprising, the casualness behind the comment. Matt blinked, attempting to comprehend exactly what Tai was trying to get at.

"You said that never happened," Tai said, noticing the shocked expression on Matt's face, "that means I also get to say you never had suicide intentions."

Matt stared, and stared even harder. That kiss had made him completely forget about why he was even here in the first place. As the realization hit him though, he gave a brief nod of agreement. There was no use arguing this now.

A satisfied smirk came from Tai, as he grabbed a hold of Matt's shoulder.

"Move it then." Tai ordered, pushing the heart throb forward. A determined look to get the blonde home safe was found covering his entire facial features.

With no way to protest, Matt stumbled forward. Silently, the two made their way off the building. Tai: following behind Matt to push him along, and Matt: just walking with a completely stunned expression on his face.

The silence was awkward to say the least, and there were a couple times that Tai just wanted to strike up a spontaneous conversation like they always did. But whenever he tried, Matt just nodded, or shrugged. There was no desire in him to converse with his friend, not when he was still trying to get over that initial shock.

"We're here." Tai said dryly, knocking on the door. Eyes opened up fully for the first time during the entire walk, and slowly he realized he wasn't at his home.

"Tai," he slowly started, trying to break free of his friend's grip, "this isn't my house, it's…"

The sentence was never completed, as the door swung open to reveal a very pissed off younger brother.

Matt turned to glare at Tai, who just gave a 'sorry dude' smile, before turning heel and wandering out of the building. Matt growled lightly, yet just as he was given a chance to escape; TK pulled him into the apartment and slammed the door shut.

"Do you even know how much you worried everyone?" He snapped, pushing the older Ishida brother against the door. Teeth grinded as a furious fire burned in his normally gentle eyes. His hot breath steamed against the delicate singer's neck.

"They all went out looking for you," he added growling, "EVERYONE! We were so fucking worried, what the fuck were you thinking?"

With a final push, TK drew back. The anger was still evident on his face, and arms crossed tightly waiting for some sort of explanation.

"I'm sorry." Matt mumbled, making his way through what he believed to be an 'overreacting' younger brother, in a motion to settle down on the couch.

"Oh hell no," TK exclaimed, grabbing a hold of the slightly frozen arm of his brother, "I'm sorry?! That's honestly the only thing can think up?"

"Fine, I'm _very_ sorry." Matt responded, an irritated tone forming in his voice. Pulling away from his brother, he managed to make his way to the couch in one piece. Without another word, he settled down, curling up for a good night sleep.

Seeing there was no way he could get anything more out of his brother, TK made his way to the closet. Throwing a couple pillows and a blanket at his brother so he could at least be more comfortable, TK began heading towards his own room. He paused midway though, and turned around to face Matt once again.

"We'll talk more in the morning."

A groan was the only response, and a faint smirk formed. TK turned and continued on his way to bed; leaving Matt completely alone.

Though he was tired, the blue-eyes wonder boy just couldn't sleep. There he lay, wide awake and staring at the blank TV screen before him. _That kiss._ No matter how much he wanted to deny it ever happened, he couldn't get it out of his mind. That feeling that he could just melt in Tai's arms, the feeling that everything was perfect, and the feeling of love.

No, it couldn't be love. But the more he tried to deny it, the more he knew it was true.

Furious at himself, Matt buried his face in the soft fluffy pillow. He needed sleep, yet that would make everything better. It was just drowsiness that made him think those thoughts, and once he woke up after a good night's rest everything would be back to normal.

Normal, that single word flashed over and over in his mind until he finally he managed to drift off to sleep. Logic had won, or did it?

That tugging at his heart begged to differ with what the mind was using to attempt to convince the teenager. Drowsiness couldn't make a person fall in love.

And come tomorrow morning, Yamato Ishida would be fully aware of that…


	2. My Head is Full of Nothing

**(**First off, I want to thank the couple reviews I received. I'm happy to know that there are people who actually enjoy reading my work, so I'm not wasting my life. Especially Eko, who gave me some great insight on exactly what she liked. : The thing with the lack of description of the kiss is so people can think of it themselves. Some people might enjoy a passionate one, others a light peck. It's a 'whatever you want it to be' kiss. A very rare kind. 3

Again, I don't own digimon or tokio hotel. And yes, i did use their lyrics for the title. If you actually want know what songs I've been using drop me a message and I'll happily send over the info.

Hope you enjoy this chapter, considering another major character is introduced. So it'll be important if you plan to see this fic out to the end.**)**

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**My Head is Full of Nothing**

It was completely natural. Oh how badly he wanted to believe that. After finally arriving home, Tai collapsed on his bed. Hair was a tangled mess as he stared blankly up at the ceiling. Hadn't Matt been his best friend for years? Hadn't they gone through hell together in the Digital World? So what if he just slipped, and landed a kiss on his lips. They had a close bond, it was only natural Tai was curious to know exactly how close they were.

It was just a kiss, it didn't mean anything.

A strained laugh came at the thought, even on the verge of crashing he knew he was lying to himself. No matter what his best friend believed (or wanted to believe) Tai just knew there had to be something to that kiss. It was just a feeling, an unexplainable feeling. There was something about that boy that just made Tai fall hopelessly for him.

Too bad the same didn't happen to Matt.

An exhausted sigh, as dark brown eyes closed tightly. Of course he had expected as much. Matt, gay? Just the thought of the idea caused a chuckle. The pop star was always signing autographs for female fans, always flashing them that dazzling smile, always whispering in their ears….

Jealousy quickly grabbed a firm hold around him, as images of Yamato, his Yamato flirting with other girls. Why? Why couldn't he see how fake they were, they all just wanted a nice piece of ass. Why couldn't he see how much Tai cared about the blonde haired beauty?

But more importantly, why couldn't he love Tai just as much as Tai love him?

It was all so frustrating. And all those perfect ending movies flashed in his mind, snorting at how easy love was made in them. Damn those perfect worlds. Why did they have to make love seem so pure, and obtainable with one simple kiss. Those lying bastards.

Grumbling at how unrealistic movies were, Tai finally gave into his body's demands and allowed himself to fall asleep. Dreams sprouted quickly; and every last one of them centered his precious Matt.

If only dreams could become reality….

"For the last time," an exasperated sigh was released as he looked over at the younger version of himself, "I'm sorry, my judgment was impaired."

TK's frown just stayed there, as if painted upon his delicate face. He just continued staring at his brother, no intention of believing him just that easily. Yet Matt just stared right back, that icy cold expression frozen in his eyes. Finally, TK had no choice but to submit to the look. No one could withstand that look for long.

"Fine." He muttered, grabbing an apple from the fruit basket situated right in front of him. With a final glare being shot at his older brother, he pushed the basket towards him. "Eat; I don't you to be anorexic on top of suicidal."

A sigh, as Matt grabbed a pear. He had nothing snap back at a comment like that. Damn his brother, he had long mastered exactly what to say to leave his brother speechless. Muttering at how degrading it was to be bossed around by his little brother, he nibbled at the soft fruit. With no more lectures from TK (who still refused to show any emotion), his mind was left to wander freely.

Wander to last night, to what he was feeling as he stood at the edge of the roof, and to Tai and that meaningless kiss.

The sudden pain at the word meaningless caused a frown to illuminate on his face. What the? He couldn't describe what was happening; it just felt like his entire body was protesting at that word; meaningless. A faint sigh escaped, as head shook lightly. Alright, so maybe there had been some sort of connection.

But, he wasn't gay. Just bi-curious if anything. Yes, that was it. He perked up at that thought, taking a real bite out of his pear. He just needed to relax and it would all blow over. A satisfied nod followed, hardly noticing the pear juice that was traveling down his face.

TK blinked, amused at his brother's silent antics. Never had he seen Matt so well lively, especially not when eating a pear. It was interesting to say the least.

"Matt," TK said, interrupting his thoughts, "you've got sticky pear juice running down your face."

A blank stare met Takera at the statement, and it took a moment for Matt to fully understand what that meant.

"Oh." He simply replied, wiping off the pear juice. An eyebrow rose as TK continued observing his older brother, trying to figure out why he appeared to be so out of it. Noticing the heightened intensity in his brother's eyes, Matt spared a glance at the clock hanging on the wall.

"Damn, I'm going to be late." Without waiting for TK to complain, Matt hastily lifted himself out of the chair. "Sorry, band practice." He explained, bolting out the door in a split second.

"It better be!" TK called after him, biting into his apple as hard as he could manage. Still he couldn't help but wander what exactly was on Matt's mind.

Practice was complete hell, and that was an understatement. Like everyone else his band mates were still struggling with the idea that their lead singer had almost jumped off a building. And his manager, oh God. The fat bastard was so freaked out, he made sure there was a practice almost every night (so he could keep an eye on Matt) and even scheduled two therapy sessions each week for him.

"I told you therapy doesn't help." Matt argued for the hundredth time that day. It was break time and once again Matt was trying to plead his case. "They just give me those fucking pills."

The manager; a big man by the name of Kuro just shrugged. Once again refusing to hear the singer out.

"Then take the fucking pills," he replied, taking a swing of his beer, "I can't have the biggest member of the band jumping off buildings."

"So, what does that make the rest of us?" Startled, both Matt and Kuro turned to find Yutaka; the guitar player leaning against a nearby wall. "Are we all just second best to the great Yamato Ishida?" A smirk played across his face, preparing for the amusement

"Taka, don't even start that shit." Matt replied, yet a smirk of his own was starting to form. Trust good 'ol Taka to lighten up any moment.

"Ah Matti, it was too hard not to." Yutaka replied, turning to Kuro for a moment. "Oh, Kuro I couldn't help but overhear your conversation."

The bulky manager froze, staring at Yutaka.

"I'm sure you couldn't," he responded coolly, "what are you getting at?"

Yutaka flashed his infamous smile.

"I think two therapy sessions is too much." He said, cutting directly to the chase. "Especially with all those practices, do you want us to get better?"

Kuro frowned, that kind of logic was hard to argue against. Matt shot a grateful look at Yutaka, who quickly shot a 'no worries mate' look right back at him. After all Kuro seemed to have this soft spot for Yutaka, which made it oh so more likely that he could be reasoned with. For a moment there was complete silence as both band members stared at the manager, waiting, waiting for a response.

"Fine," Kuro said at last, taking another swing at his beer, "he can go once a week." Not bothering to stick around any more, the thick boned boss just sort of waddled off. Large hands reaching into his pocket to pull out his cell phone to cancel one therapy session.

Matt sighed in relief, and turned to Yutaka. A look of pure gratitude radiated on his face.

"Taka, how the fuck can I ever repay you?"

Yutaka grinned, and in that instant Matt immediately regretted asking such a question. He should have known better, Taka always came up with the worst ideas of payback. The image of Akira strutting around in a frilly dress was still engraved in his mind.

"You have to come clubbing with us tonight." Yutaka replied, keeping an innocent look on his face. "You need to relax, and besides it would have been hell dealing with you if you had that much therapy."

"Fair enough," Matt replied, sighing lightly that if hadn't been anything drastic. "Where exactly are we going to go?"

Yutaka shrugged, not having figured that part out just yet.

"Dunno, around." Then his face lit up as a brilliant idea was created. "Tokyo! We haven't been there in ages."

The excitement on Yutaka's face was priceless, and Matt couldn't help but start laughing like crazy. His friend tilted his head, obviously confused. Then realizing what it might be, let out a small chuckle himself.

"Ok, maybe I'm a little overexcitement." He admitted, trying to get through between Matt's random gasps for air as he fell into an uncontrollable laughing fit.

"A little?!" Matt hardly managed to get the words out. "Taka, you're fucking insane."

A grin erupted on the guitarists face, as he gave a proud nod.

"Yup," he chirped, "and that's why you can't help but love me."

The laugh died at that second, and Yutaka looked curiously at the sudden lack of amusement.

"Matti?"

Shaking out of the daze, Matt gave a wide grin to ensure his buddy that everything was ok.

"What time does the clubbing start?"


	3. Together We Can Make it

**(**Yup, I finally got the next chapter up. Sorry for the wait, I just got back from vacation and I need a couple days to actually get some ideas. Hopefully the fact it's my longest chapter yet will make up for it. The chapter's focus was developing Yutaka more, and add some comedy.

Again, don't own Digimon or TH. But wouldn't that be awesome?**)**

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**Together We Can Make it**

The nightclub was brand new. Certain areas of the building even had that fresh paint smell. Flashing lights lured teenagers in, and the music selection kept them in for hours on end. And this was the very nightclub that four teenage boys came to for their night out in Tokyo.

Matt blinked furiously, desperate to adapt to the bright lights of the dance floor. Meanwhile Akira and Takashi just grinned broadly before shaking their hips to the beat. It was a rather amusing sight considering guys should not be able to shake their hips as well as these boys were.

"Glad you came?"

Matt turned, just as Taka randomly popped up linking his arm with Matt's. A wide grin had found its way across his face as Matt nodded.

"Yea, Taka you're a genius."

"Was there ever a doubt?"

At the remark blue eyes were rolled, and an amused smirk came upon the singer's face. Yutaka frowned, obviously not enjoying the expression. Still it was nice to see Yamato happy again, and so he could let it slide this time.

"Taka, Matt!"

Jumping slightly at his name, Matt turned to find Akira standing in front of them with his arms crossed. A frown was enacted on his face.

"Are you two gonna stand around all night, or actually move your fat asses and dance?"

Taka gasped as though his self-esteem had been crushed at such a statement. But anyone who even knew the guitarist for five seconds could tell he wasn't being serious. He was just being Taka.

"That hurts Aki; you know how sensitive I am about my ass fat."

At the comment Matt and Akira exchanged 'here we go again' looks before turning to the melodramatic guitarists; rolling their eyes.

"Ah Taka, you never fail to amuse me." Takashi chirped, appearing out of nowhere with some strange drink concoction in his hands. "You're such a diva."

Taka growled, obviously not enjoying the comment that had been made. And given the fact Akira and Yamato burst into laughter at his reaction to the comment didn't help at all. Taking a step forward Takashi froze, his free hand creating a shield around his drink as though anticipating Taka's actions.

Pink lips pursed out in a pout, as Taka's arms crossed over his chest.

"Kashi, why do you act like I'm going to do something awful?"

Voice was tainted with false sincerity and Takashi just rolled his eyes.

"Don't play the dumbass, Taka." He replied, chugging down the drink in a heartbeat. Yutaka glared, angry briefly flashing in his eyes as the keyboardist grinned widely at his dear friend. "Nice try though."

"Just watch out."

Watching the slight panic that appeared on Kashi's face caused some amusement. Taka was not known for his ability to forgiven, and revenge was one of his oldest pastimes. And so Kashi had a good reason to be fearful, lucky for him Akira noticed the tension and grabbed a hold of his arm and dragged him off to dance.

"Taka, I swear one day you're going to push him too far."

Yutaka turned to see Matt leaning against a wall, sipping some sort of drink as he watched the guitarist. Taka just shrugged.

"I'll cross that bridge when I get there – hey when'd you get a drink anyway?"

The poor guitar player couldn't recall his friend ever leaving; then again he had been a bit wrapped up in Kashi business. But still you'd think he would have noticed Matt walking away, right? God where was his head?

"I think when you tried to pour Kashi's drink on him."

"Oh, well hurry up and drink it."

The anxious tone in Taka's voice almost made it seem like he was pleading. Cocking an eyebrow, Matt pulled the drink away from his mouth in mid-sip.

"Why?"

Taka sighed, despising Matt's 'you can't order me around 'cause I'm a rock star' attitude. And knowing him pretty well, Taka knew the singer wouldn't bring the glass any closer to his face without an answer. No matter how delicious the beverage might be.

"Cause through the process of elimination you've been chosen to help me tone my ass."

Matt groaned at the response.

"Taka enough talk about your ass."

Honestly Matt could only take so much of Taka's ass talk. Given the fact the boy could go on for hours and hours. Odd? Very, but it was his hidden talent. A talent no one really cared for, but it could be called a talent none the less.

"Only if you chug the drink so we can hit the dance floor."

Ah what a wonderful band member, blackmailing the head of the band. With a soft glare, Matt quickly chucked the drink shortly after slamming the glass on a table nearby.

"Hooray!"

The excitement evident on Taka's face caused Matt to chuckle lightly, before allowing him be dragged onto the dance floor. The catchy music finally got to Matt, though he wasn't sure what they were singing about, and it was so easy just swaying his graceful hips to the beat. It wasn't any complicate dance sequence (that was Taka's job) but it was enough to catch some looks from a couple girls.

Alright, so it probably wasn't his dance moves as much as it was his hair. But hey, it's all in the eye of the beholder.

With a cocky grin, Matt turned in the direction of a frisky brunette who had been eyeing him. With that simple move she nearly leapt at him, and soon the two were dancing to some random techno song. Yet before the song was even close to ending, Matt was pulled away. Pissed off, he turned to see who was responsible for ruining his fun to find Taka standing in front of him,

"Hey, I'm gonna grab a drink. Wanna come?"

He seemed to be trying so very hard to sound casual, and yet Matt could tell there was something hidden. Jealousy maybe?

_Yea right, Taka's been open about being gay for a while. He wouldn't get jealous over me dancing with a random chick._

Still… Shaking his head to clear it, Matt quickly nodded.

"Sure, as long as it's only one…"

_Famous last words._

"Woo! I'm a fairy!"

Matt laughed his head off in a drunken manner at Taka's statement, and his actions of flapping his arms like crazy as though he really believed he would start flying.

"Taka, you are sooo drunk." Matt slurred, now giggling as the huge laugh had began to die off. Taka shook his head refusing to believe the statement.

"No I'm not." He protested, crossing his arms in a much undignified manner. Matt just giggled some more, though unsure as to why.

"Yes, yes you are."

Taka continued shaking his head, and then decided to get up and walk just to prove how sober he still was. Scrambling out of his chair, the poor kid managed to go forward a couple steps before he tripped over nothing and fell face down in the ground.

Matt gasped, and hopped off his stool in a heartbeat. Hurrying over before anyone noticed the fallen teenager, he crouched down: offering a hand to his collapsed band mate.

"Taka, come on I think you gotta go home."

Voice was soft, and Taka looked up blankly before gripping his friend's hand as firmly as he could manage in his state. With a bit of struggle Matt finally managed to get Taka to lean against his back. It was a rather hard task considering he was beyond tipsy and Taka was so obviously drunk.

"Need a hand?"

Matt heaved a sigh of relief as Akira and Takashi came up: what perfect timing. Nodding Matt pushed Taka against Akira's shoulder, and with some support to keep himself up from Kashi, the four teenagers made it to the entrance. And in a couple short minutes they had even gotten a taxi hailed.

"I'll take him to my apartment." Matt said, noticing the longing in his friend's eyes as they started at the club then at Taka who had somehow managed to fall asleep. "You guys can go back in."

Akira frowned, while Kashi clapped in glee.

"You don't sound like you can handle it, no offense." The last part was added in a hasty manner as Matt shot a dismayed look at him.

"The taxi guy can help me get Taka up."

At his name, the driver turned not looking eager at being volunteered. Yet it wasn't like it was a hard task, and so he couldn't really complain. He could however just charge more… Nodding lightly to ensure he was in on the plan, Matt grinned and turned to his friend as though saying 'see? Nothing can go wrong.'

Akira still looked unsure, watching with an anxious look on his face as he helped Matt get Taka into the backseat of the taxi.

"Aki, don't worry."

There was silence as the two teenagers had a stare off. Kashi meanwhile had already reentered the club, skipping the entire way…

"Fine, just call me when you get home."

Matt quickly nodded, silently rejoicing at the fact that Aki had actually agreed. Waving goodbye: as he hopped into the cab, as he told his address to the driver in a very slurry manner.

"Here you go."

Opening a single eye Matt yawned as he stretched surprised he had fallen asleep in the taxi. It wasn't as surprising as waking up and noticing Taka's head was resting in his lap as the boy slept on. A calm smile was on his face as his hands brushed against Matt's legs as he moved around in his sleep.

"Taka, come on." Matt whispered, shifting his body to get out of the situation. The cab driver looked on in amusement, then frowned when he realized if the kid didn't wake up he'd probably have to carry him. Matt had made it clear he needed help, and money would not be an issue.

Taka yawned; actually waking up after his pillow seemed to vanish. Looking up a shade of pink formed on his cheek when he realized what his pillow had been.

"Oh fuck."

Matt just shrugged noticing Taka's look of pure embarrassment and guilt, mostly due to the fact the guitarists always drooled on his pillows. And Matt's leg had been no exception.

"Come on, I still have a job." Taxi driver guy grumbled, grabbing a hold of one of Taka's arms as Matt grabbed a hold of his other. "What floor are you on anyway?"

"Fifty-five and a half," Taka slurred making everyone remember he was still drunk, and tired as fuck on top of that. The taxi guy rolled his eyes, before turning to Matt who was stumbling slightly.

"It's the fifth."

After ten minutes of struggling, and five more minutes of picking up Taka after he convinced himself he could walk by himself and rammed into a door.

"Here." Matt said handing over the promised money, casting a glance at Taka who was now stumbling around the kitchen searching for some booze. "And thanks."

Taxi guy just shrugged, and quickly left already tired of dealing with the teenage wolves. Slamming the door, Matt quickly grabbed Taka's arm as he stumbled by and dragged him to the couch.

"Go to sleep, there's no booze."

Yutaka pouted, but he knew it was stupid to argue against Matt; even when he was in a good mood after drinking.

"Fine." But instead of collapsing on the couch Taka inched his face closer to Matt's. Before Matt could react, Taka's soft lips had pressed against his own. And then a split second later Taka did what he was supposed to do: collapse on the couch.

Matt stared, completely shocked at what had just happened. Obviously Taka had been drunk, so his sense had been impaired, right? So why did he kind of enjoy it? Wait, he was drunk too!

Nodding to reassure himself (though he really wasn't even close to as drunk as Taka had been), Matt headed to his own bed. He had no desire to think about what happened, it was just too insane.

First Tai, now Taka. God, when did the world get so fucked up?


	4. Scream! Until You Believe it

**(**Short chapter? Oh yea, but the only reason this chapter was written was to bring a serious tone back (and hopefully it did) so I wasn't really too focused on the word count. Hopefully it won't matter to you guys either.

Again, don't own Digimon or TH. And I could stop writing the disclaimer, but I like rambling. Hooray!**)**

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**Scream! Until You Believe It**

Five o clocks in the morning and any sane person would still be sleeping. After all not even the sun had dared to poke it's head out from over the horizon. Thus without any light from the sun, nobody had any reason to be awake. And so why at such an ungodly hour did a certain cell phone go off? Groaning, the blonde singer fumbled around. After several moments (and the cell phone going off a second time) he finally located his cell phone and put an end to the Green Day ring tone.

"Akira? Why are you calling so early?"

"Hmm I dunno, maybe because a certain blonde promised to call me when he got home?"

The aggravation echoed clear through the receiver. And lucky for Matt the meeting wasn't face to face; otherwise Akira would not hesitate to bitch slap the teen idol. This made the task to be convincing Akira he had just forgotten, which was much easier then dodging a slap and trying to explain at the same time.

"Sorry Aki, I guess I was more tired then I realized."

"Yea I figured as much, don't worry too much."

At the quick acceptance of the apology, a frown creased on Yamato's face. _Something's not right, why isn't he going into Akira nagging mode right now?_

"Why'd you wake me up so early if not to yell at me?"

On the other line Akira smirked.

"Pay back's a bitch isn't it?"

And then he hung up, just like that. Otherwise he would have to deal with an aggravated teenager cussing up a storm in his ear. Growling at how idiotic his friend was, Matt collapsed back into his pillow. Well at least now he could sleep. And without having to deal with an infamous Akira lecture. It was just simply perfect. And a much better theory then practice.

With those few hours of sleep his mind had decided it had enough fuel to recall all the events of the past twenty-four hours. _Fuck, fuck, FUCK! Why did I ever agree to go to that club in the first place? Why does Taka have such a low tolerance of alcohol? Why did Akira wake me up at five in the fucking morning? And why can't guys just stop kissing me?_

Faced pressed against the cool side of the pillow, attempting to suffocate the answers out of his own mind. This couldn't be happening, everything was just a dream. Reality simply was not this messed up, and therefore through that logical process this was all a nightmare. Yes, that was what it was: a nightmare. What else could it be?

Blue eyes closed tightly as face was pulled out of the pillow and turned towards the blank ceiling above. Chest heaved up and down, as he desperately tried to calm down. Eyes were still firmly shut trying to fall asleep, while his mind continued to stay wide awake. It of course being a brain knew very well that the answer Matt had come up with was irrational and illogical.

_Ok, ok so this is all really happening. But come on! Taka was so drunk he couldn't even walk straight, the dent in the wall and his bloody nose prove that. That means everything that happened he won't remember, which means it meant nothing. So I have nothing to worry about then. _

Smiling lightly at his sheer brilliance at coming up with the reason, he shifted his body weight to find a comfortable sleeping position. And yet as it was found, sleep still did not consume him immediately. _So the Taka thing's all worked through, but what about Tai?_

The question caused a heavy sigh to

That kiss, that single action had not been done under the influence. At least he was pretty positive it hadn't been, as Tai had seemed pretty sure of his actions during the time of the event. _DAMNIT! _Face was pressed firmly against the pillow as a loud shrill scream was created. Even the fact it was muffled did not silence the entire scream. Thank God Yutaka could sleep threw a hurricane when he wasn't drunk.

Panting as the back of head was pushed against the pillow, allowing air into his lungs after a minute of near suffocation. Exaggeration much? _Shit, I defiantly need to just relax. I'm straight, I'm just confused.. Yea that it's! I'm just going through a bi-curious stage. _With a satisfied smile, Matt slowly drifted off to sleep. Finally reaching the point in which he figured out the reason behind such unnatural thoughts.

It's just a stage. Sounds like the typical mother statement when she explains why her son is swinging from a tire swing in reenactment of Tarzan.

_He's not mentally unstable. Oh no, just because he's been doing that for the past month for hours on end. It's just a stage, it too shall pass…_

How easy it is for us to accept what we want to hear…

"So you're gay?"

A slim brown haired girl sat crossed legged on an empty bed. Brown eyes scanned the room she was in, frowning at its lack of cleanliness. True she did not have the perfect example of a 'clean' room, but at least she didn't have underwear hanging from the bookshelf. And God knows what one would find under the bed, she honestly wouldn't be surprised to find a dead body with the stench that was being given off. Just as she was about to comment about how filthy the room was, she remembered the reason behind why she was in here in the first place.

"Tai? Are you ok?"

A worried look quickly took over her face as she hopped off the messy bed, waving a fragile hand in front of the tall soccer player to grab his attention. The blank look on his face was just so unnatural, especially since he was usually the kind of guy who always found a reason to smile. And yet in the past few days she'd been forced to see this expression, every since the day Matt had tried to jump off that wretched building. It was like Tai vanished, and some weird alien creature took over his body and sucked out all his emotions.

"Yea I'm fine."

The voice was so faint, so dead, it chilled Kari's entire body. Eyes leaked a couple tears, as she practically threw herself at him: clinging to her older brother as though her life depended on it. For several moments she refused to let go, then finally she pulled back.

"Tai, I don't care that you're gay. And mom and dad probably won't."

Eyes carefully observed her brother's actions, as though waiting for a sigh of relief to come. Nothing happened, unless you count the tiny flicker of a smile on the corners of his mouth. This of course perplexed the young teen. _Wasn't he worried that we wouldn't accept him? But he still looks like a zombie. What else could he be freaking out about?_

"Thanks Kari."

The sudden grateful comment caused the brown haired girl to jump in surprise. Smiling lightly at the brief moment of joy on her brother's face, she scurried over to give him another long and emotional hug.

"Tai, are you sure you're ok?"

_No, I'm not. I'm in love with my best friend, who's completely straight. That same best friend can have any girl or guy he could ever want. And so even if he did happen to be gay I'd have absolutely no chance with him. And to top it all off I even fucked up my relationship with him by kissing him. I'm far from ok, I'm fucking fucked up._

She couldn't know all that though, there was no way in hell he was going to tell his little sister all that shit. And so a fake smile graced his face, as he hugged Kari back.

"Don't worry so much Kari; everything's going to be ok."

_No, no it won't._

The little voice in his head just kept screaming and screaming.

Since when did life get so complicated?


	5. Can Hear Your Name, I Don't Know How

**(**Hooray for reviews I can actually answer! They're all directed to Crazy Purplesage's question, because those were the only questions I saw? I know, shocking isn't it?

Sorry to say I can't keep up with the two chapters a day. :'-( But, I wish I could. If you could make sure my muse doesn't keep running away it may be possible.. As for the age, I wanted it to be the legal age in Japan. But that's 20, and it's way too old. So I'd say Matt, and Tai are about 17-18.

Again, don't own anything expect the story. And that's just random words typed in a word processor..**)**

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**Can Hear Your Name, Don't Know How**

About half an hour after convincing himself it had just been a phase. Thirty long painful minutes of trying to fall back asleep, he had finally succeeded. Too bad fate just didn't want Yamato Ishida to have a good night's rest, because at around eight a deafening crash nearly caused Matt to fall out of the bed. What the hell was that?

A fear of burglary formed in the pit of his stomach, and it didn't take long for it to spread throughout his entire body. Sweat clung to his palm, as desperation kicked in. Ok, calm down. There has to be something here I can use… Where's that stupid hockey stick? After what seemed hours, Matt finally made contact with the only weapon he had in his room. Gulping down as much of his fear as he could, he slowly made his way down the hall. Hands held the stick as tightly as he could master, keeping it secure in front of him. It wasn't much, but it would have to do. And with luck it would just be enough.

The hockey stick was useless as he came upon the cause of the crash.

There was Yutaka, hugging a rather odd pot as he stood in the center of fallen books. Taka was standing by the bookcase, with a dazed look on his face, and a swollen nose. Obviously it didn't take a detective to figure out what had happened.

For a full minute Matt just stared, not sure whether or not this had actually happened. After all, honestly just how idiotic could a person be? And the he remembered: it was Taka…

"You ok?"

The question nearly caused Yutaka to jump in the air, and drop the vase he had worked so hard to save. Of course he had nearly destroyed it in the first place when he had crashed into the bookshelf shortly after having woken up. Turning around, a sheepish grin had covered his entire face as he stared at the owner of the apartment.

"Um, yea I just wasn't watching where I was going."

A short nod, the explanation was reasonable after all. Taka rarely ever looked where he was going, and considering he had been half asleep it, Matt was just grateful nothing had actually broken.

"Ok."

Not practically interested to hear Yutaka attempt to continue to justify his actions, Matt turned heel and headed to the kitchen. Rummaging through the various cupboards, and the fridge he had successfully located the milk and cereal. After he settled down at the lonely table in the corner, Yutaka popped in and started fiddling around with the toaster. Matt watched in amusement as the boy tried to get a single piece of bread to toast. After watching the struggle for a good few minutes, he coughed to get his friend's attention.

"Taka, the toaster's been broken for a couple weeks."

A glare quickly formed, as the piece of bread was forgotten, and attention was redirected to Matt.

"And why couldn't you tell me this sooner?"

A shrug, as Matt turned back to cereal.

"It was kind of fun to watch."

Grumbling at how insensitive Matt was, Taka decided to settle on just eating the bread cold, with some butter of course. As he sat down across from Matt, a remotely pleased look had replaced the former aggravated one. With actual food, and some orange juice he had found hidden in the back of the fridge that had yet to pass its expiration day. Of course there was still one small problem: he had a headache the size of Asia.

"Need a painkiller?"

The question caught Taka's attention as his head shot up to look at Matt. A quick nod was given in response, as a groan escaped a second later from the sudden head movement. With a sympathetic smile directed to the poor hung-over teenager, Matt quickly headed to the medicine cabinet. Retrieving the sacred pills and some water to choke them down, they were swiftly handed to the dark haired boy. A grateful expression came upon his face, as the pills were swallowed in a blink of the eye.

"Thanks Matt, I should probably head out now."

"Sure you can make it home in one piece."

A look of astonishment came across his face. As though he couldn't believe his friend would dare ask such a question.

"Of course I can."

"Alright, remember the concert's at six."

Eyes rolled as Yutaka looked at Matt. Honestly that kid was worse then his mother at times. Still he couldn't ignore the feeling of glee that formed in the pit of his stomach at the fact Matt cared so much about him. How he longed to embrace him, not as a friend but as a lover. And those pale smooth lips. He'd give anything to be able to kiss them. He was just so perfect. Blonde hair, blue eyes, and he could sing. Oh, shit and he thought he couldn't fall harder then when he first joined the band.

"Taka, you ok?"

With that his daydream was interrupted, and a foolish expression was left behind.

"Um yea, see you tonight."

No explanation was given for the blank look moments ago. With a quick wave, Yutaka scurried out the front door. Matt just watched in curiosity.

_What the hell just happened? If I didn't know any better I'd say he had been staring at his crush. _

A snort erupted. _Yea right, he's just out of it due to that hang over._

Yes Matt could keep lying to himself forever…

"Tai, come on!"

A red haired girl stood in front of a door, pounding on it as though her life depended on it. Frustrated at the fact he had yet to come out of the bedroom, she went on to kick the door as though it was a rapist.

"God damn it! We're going to be late!"

Slowly the door crept open, to expose the teenager. He was in a pair of pajamas, and a blank look was found on his face. For a second the girl just stared, mouth dropping.

"You're not even ready?!"

Hand rose as though to smack him, but he quietly took a step back before actually explaining himself.

"I'm not going."

Sora raised an eyebrow, disbelief haunting her entire facial features. What had come over Tai? He wasn't even going to see his best friend perform in what was his biggest show to date?

"Tai, come on."

But the pleading card just didn't work well for Sora. It just wasn't something she was good at.

"No, besides with all those fans he wouldn't even notice me."

The bitterness of the words surprised the girl. _What the hell is he talking about? Does he really think Matt wouldn't care? Whenever Tai's in the audience Matt always seems to perform better, where the hell has he been?_ One look at the firm expression, and it was clear Tai couldn't be reasoned with. Even Sora had to accept that.

"Fine, but you're a crazy and idiotic boy."

And with a quick slap, she made her way to the living room where the rest of the gang was waiting up.

"He's not coming."

Everyone just stared, not quite sure if they were hearing right. Yet one look at Sora's face, and it was clear to them they could do nothing.

"Well we have to go, or we'll be late." TK finally said, breaking the strained silence. Nodding their heads, the group quietly dispersed out of the apartment. Sora paused, sparing one last glance down the hall.

"I hope you know what you're doing Tai." She whispered, before following everyone else out the door.

One thought echoed through everyone's head as they settled down in the reorganized cars.

What happened that night?

"Make up!"

The shrill call echoed, as a short stubby man ran around adding the final touches to the band's faces. A little blush here, and then an excited clap, this continued until he finally reached the last person: Akira. With the last cheer, he scurried away.

"Does anyone know that guy's name?"

Takashi asked casually, sipping some water as he sat on a random couch in the backstage area. The three other boys exchanged glances, before shaking their heads.

"Nope, I don't think we've ever asked."

Akira said finally, taking a bite out of an apple. Before the conversation could continue about the random make up guy, a younger version of the lead singer entered the room. Taka waved, and quickly flicked a piece of bread at Matt to get his attention away from the ipod he was humming to.

"What the -- oh hey TK, what's up?"

Waving to usher his brother over, the younger Ishida brother made his way across the room. Settling down next to his brother on the couch, an uncomfortable cough was born.

"Matt, Sora thought it would be best if I told you before the show." A pause, as he shifted in an attempt to get more comfortable. Matt raised an eyebrow.

"What is it?"

"Tai's not coming to your show…"

Those words stung as Matt stared, trying to see if it was all one big joke. When no smile flickered on his brother's face, the singer collapsed into the sofa.

"He, he…" The full sentence couldn't be formed, as eyes seemed to gaze over and stare at the ceiling.

The idea was so ridiculous, why wouldn't he come? They'd been through hell; it was always Tai that saw him through all those dark times. And this was the biggest performance of his career.

_This can't be real. My best friend isn't coming to support me when I need him the most?_

Nothing could feel worse then this feeling. It was as if a dark wave was suffocating him, nothing seemed to matter… Everything was just blank; it was everything he felt that night. Only at least then he had his best friend. Now he didn't even have that.

_Tai, why? Why, Tai? _


	6. Nothing Left to Love About

**(**Another chapter so soon?! Yes I am talented. But it's really thanks to all the people who take the time out of their busy lives to review. See I made this pact with myself that I would control myself and not post a new chapter until there was 2 reviews on the last chapter I posted. Oh and before you ask, yes I am weird. But being normal is so overrated. :p Anyway the reviews just pop up about an hour or two after I post a chapter. So I never have to worry about finishing a chapter beforehand. So thank you all so much.

And thanks to all the people who read but don't review. I'm guilty of doing the same thing. But if you ever wanna leave a review, I promise I don't bite. At least not through a computer.

And again: I don't own anything expect the words.**)**

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**Nothing Left to Love About**

Chocolate, it was always there whenever you needed it. Good 'ol chocolate never let anyone down. It was there to help with chocolate cravings, stress, hunger, and it's most famous for bring relief to heartache. Settling down on the couch with a large comfortable, Tai sighed happily as he dug into a huge bowl of chocolate ice cream, with tons of hot fudge coating it. The sauce was quick to slip from his mouth and travel down his face. Wiping away the escaping fudge, Tai studied the brown mark on his hand. Shrugging lightly, pink tongue gently lapped it up from his pale hand.

As he finished, brown eyes caught sight of the blank television screen. _Sora's a liar, he'll do great. And I'm going to get proof. _Clicking the record button, he quickly went to the channel the concert was suppose to be on. Eyes seemed to flash green at the sight of all the half-dressed girls who were ready to throw themselves on stage just to touch Matt. Body relaxed as the camera moved in to focus on the stage, as the show was about to begin. Taking another bite, Tai shifted his weight on the sofa, _now to see Matt rock out as usual._

"Matt we have to go, ah fuck what happened to your face?"

Matt glanced up half-heartily; a confused look was on his face as he looked at Akira. No emotion could be found in his eyes, it was as if it had all been drained. Judging by the tears that ruined the makeup, it was pretty obvious why no emotion could be found. The drummer sighed, head shaking. The show was starting in about five minutes. The lead singer seemed completely out of it. And the short makeup guy had wandered off, and no one knew what name to call out.

"Can you sing?"

Akira asked waving at Takashi who took one look at Matt's smudged face and bolted off in search of the mysterious makeup guy. He bumped into a couple random people, but they were just random crew people so they really didn't matter. Matt blinked, as though trying to remember what he was suppose to be singing. Eyes glanced around the area, and after a couple seconds it dawned on him.

"It's that televised concert isn't it?"

Akira gave a short nod. Matt groaned, trying to get up but failed as Akira pushed him back to a sitting position. Head cocked to the side as Matt started at his band member, unsure as to why he wasn't allowing him to get up.

"Takashi's getting the makeup guy; you need it fixed before you go on stage."

Matt nodded lightly, sitting back down on the sofa. There was a minute of silence, before Takashi came rushing over. A wide grin was on his face as he ushered over the short bald guy.

"I found him!"

Akira rolled his eyes, yet a smile managed to come on his face as he patted the keyboardists head.

"Good boy Kashi."

Beaming with pride, Takashi skipped away. Matt watched slightly bemused, sometimes one had to wander what exactly went through that boy's head.

"You ruined my make up?"

The man grabbed Matt's face, head shaking as he studied the faded makeup. For a moment he was silent, just staring at Matt. After what seemed forever, the man finally grabbed his makeup brush.

"Don't do it again, there's no time for more makeup."

A single finger wiggled in front of Matt, lecturing him even more. The singer nodded, closing his eyes as the man went to work. After only a minute he jumped back, grinning cheerfully as he clapped his chubby little hands.

"Oh, so much better!"

Hugging himself, he happily went on his way. Leaving Akira and Matt to get ready with the couple minutes they had left. Akira studied Matt for a moment, still unsure whether or not the singer would be able to perform tonight. The dazed look was still engraved on his face.

"Matt, are you sure about this?"

A stiff nod and a fake smile. Akira frowned, obviously not buying the motions. Still there wasn't really much he could do considering the fact they needed to be ready by the stage about oh now.

"We better get a move then."

They were the last two at the spot. Takashi was already bouncing up and down in excitement. Yutaka was eyeing him coolly, still recalling last night and trying to figure out the perfect revenge. Matt took a deep breath as his body leaned against the cold wall. Akira sighed, pulling his drumsticks out of his back pocket in preparation. Taka blinked, and glanced over at Matt. A worried expression came, as he tried to understand why he could be so upset just because one person didn't show up.

_Honestly, he's overreacting. So what if Tai isn't in the audience? I mean, why does one person matter so much to one of the hottest teen celebrities? _

"You're on in three, two, one, GO!"

Without waiting for them to react, one of the stagehands quickly pushed the first one in line: Takashi. With final 'good luck' smiles exchanges, Takashi rushed onto the stage. Grinning broadly at the crowd, he waved before leaping over to his keyboard. Yutaka was next, almost leaping at the crowd before stopping near the edge and then scurrying over to pick up his precious guitar. Then Akira popped up, pumping his fists in the air as he sat down at his drum set. There was a second of silence, as the crowd anxiously waited for the final band member.

There was no rush, no movements as Matt entered the stage. A fake smile was plastered on his face as he stared at the screaming crowd. There were no antics as he got behind the mike, eyes scanning the crowd for a moment. He couldn't help but stare at the first two rows where his closest friends always sat. And there it was the empty seat. Swallowing the lump in his throat as best he could, he turned to face the rest of the crowd.

"Hey Tokyo! Are you ready to rock?!"

The false tone went unnoticed by most of the crowd. They just screamed even louder, eager to hear their idol singing. Sora and TK however exchanged glances, quick to notice Matt's lack of energy. Kari sighed, glancing down at her phone as though hoping that at any second Tai would call and say he was on his way.

The spoon clanged in the bowl as Tai stared at the blonde singer. That was a fake smile. Even from his living room Tai could tell when Matt was faking a smile. He always tilted his head just so in order to hide some of his smile. And that, that was exactly what he was doing right now.

_Why isn't he really happy? This is everyone's dream come true…_

A frown, as Tai picked up his spoon again: finishing up his ice cream.

_Maybe I just don't know Matt as well as I used to. Maybe I'm just mixing up his smiles…Or maybe it's those lights, there has to be more considering how big this concert is._

Squinting lightly as he stared at a particularly bright light, Matt made his false smile grow even more. Grabbing a hold of his own guitar and throwing the strap over his shoulder.

"Come on, you can do better then that!" He teased, trying to bring some sort of emotion into his words. As the crowd continued to roar, he gave a quick nod. "That's more like it!"

Strumming the first few chords, his foot tapped against the wooden stage to get the tempo just right. Blue eyes stared at the crowd, watching the usual unruly actions of the people. Honestly sometimes they just got way too excited, he could already spot a couple people who seemed to have already pissed themselves. Yet even those embarrassing actions could not lighten his mood.

_Why? Why?._

Those words continued to echo through his head, as the guitar pick moved faster and faster. The first song had begun, and mouth was placed closer to the microphone. And then the words came. Velvety smooth, eyes closed halfway to create the illusion he was actually concentrating hard on the song. Hips swayed to and fro, enjoying the rhythm of the drums. Still music could not fill it, what was 'it'? Matt didn't have a clue… All he knew was it was all Tai's fault for ditching him on the biggest day of his career.

"One more picture and we're done."

The entire band sighed in relief, as they scrambled to get into the last pose. Magazine after magazine needed pictures, and they decided it would be best to do pictures after the interviews. Exhausted, the four teenagers managed to pull out one final dazzling smile, before they all collapsed on the various sofas in the room.

"I never wanna do that again." Yutaka muttered rubbing his growling stomach before grabbing a random biscuit located on the table beside him.

"Tell me about it." Takashi groaned, gulping down his water bottle.

"Matt, you ok?" Akira asked, prodding the singer lightly. Matt stirred, coming out of his daze. Nodding, he took a bite of the croissant that he had grabbed before sitting on the sofa. Akira frowned, but decided not to pursue the matter anymore.

"Ew, this water tastes disgusting." Takashi spat, studying the water with a grossed expression. Suddenly his eyes widened as he finally noticed the water was not clear but an assortment of colors.

"That might be because I added random liquids to it." Yutaka replied, taking another bite of his biscuit. Takashi stopped, turning to look at the guitarist.

"You did this?"

Taka nodded pride evident in his nod.

"Told you I'd get you back for last night."

Akira shook his head; Matt managed to crack a faint smile at Taka's payback. A soft knock came from the door, and the aging manager poked his head in the room.

"Matt, someone's here to see you."

Matt blinked, staring at Kuro in pure disbelief. Everyone had gone home right before the interviews started, as God knew how long that would take.

"Who is –" the question never fully formed as the door swung open. Matt stared, eyes widening in surprise as he started at the nervous figure in front of him.

_Life is full unexpected surprises…_


	7. Time's Been Replaced by a Countdown

**(**So I got back from Journey (which was an amazing concert), and I decided to try and see if I could post this tonight before my dad shuts down the internet..

Thank you all so much for the lovely reviews. And once again, the two reviews came verryy quickly. **AND **the last chapter got the most reviews yet. And it has the fewest hits.. I was like o.0 omg, people are actually anticipating chapters?! I felt all giddy, and I nearly danced around my room. Though the fact there was music playing could have contributed more to the dancing bug...

I only own the words I wrote. Not the actual words though, because I don't think anyone can own a word.. But um, you know what I mean right? The THOUGHTS! Yea, that's the word.. :p**)**

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**Time's Been Replaced by a Countdown**

No one moved a muscle; it was as if time had frozen. Yamato was still in the middle of processing if this was real or just a trick his mind was playing on him. Akira and Takashi were exchanging glances, not sure whether or not they should remain in the room. And Yutaka… Well he seemed to be fighting the urge to slap the person silly.

After all it was his entire fault. Everything: Yamato's sudden change in mood and the fact that envy was now pulsing through Yutaka's entire body.

Taichi Kimaya had a knack for ruining lives.

"Matt, can we talk?"

The question broke the singer out of his trance. Eyes widened slightly, surprised that the boy would even ask such a question. Silence, a nervous fidget as brown eyes stared at the blonde singer. Finally a short nod came, and blue gaze shifted to the rest of the band. Akira nodded lightly, grabbing Takashi by the arm and dragging him off the couch. This earned him a whine, due to the fact the keyboardist was dying to know how the interaction would go. Yutaka sat still, eyes traveling from Tai to Matt, and then back to Tai.

Matt coughed, pulling Taka's attention away from the brunette. And there it was the look. Matt obviously didn't want him here… Taka shifted lightly, before quickly showing himself out of the room. He wasn't in the mood to get on Matt's bad side…

"Why did you decide to show up now?"

The question was shot out the second the last member had left the room. Blue eyes held no emotion as they studied Tai's face: waiting for some sort of expression. Now that Tai was actually here, Matt couldn't really figure out why he had been so upset that he hadn't come to the show. Sure anger would have been one thing, but he could still remember that numb pain…

_What the hell is wrong with me? Why didn't anyone tell me how ridiculous I acted earlier?_

The questions were provided no answers, as another voice interrupted his thoughts.

"To talk, I mean," another nervous twitch, as Tai sank into one of the armchairs that were scattered around the room, "I dunno I just feel like we should talk about what happened."

"What?! The fact you didn't come to the biggest show of my career? The one show I needed the most support at?"

_Finally, right emotion. Anger, not numbness. _

Tai sighed, head shaking lightly at Matt's outburst. He didn't even falter for a nanosecond. Years of dealing with Matt made it so Tai no longer shook in worry or fear when his friend yelled at him. It was just easier to ignore it, and wait a couple seconds until he calmed down enough to be reasoned with. And it seemed that time was now up.

"No, I mean _that_ night."

Matt froze, a startled look forming in his eyes. Didn't they agree that never happened? Then why the hell was Tai bringing it up now?!

"That never happened." Matt said in an icy tone, a glare forming as he looked at his beloved best friend. "Therefore there is nothing to discuss concerning it."

Tai returned the glare with one of his own, hands twitching to fight the urge to knock some sense into the blonde.

"Then why have you been ignoring me if nothing happened?"

Mouth opened as Matt tried to snap a response, but no sound came out. Closing his mouth, eyes drifted to studying the floorboards below him.

"I – I"

Tai took Matt's lack of logical response as a signal to go on.

"If nothing happened, and then nothing should be wrong," there was a pause as slightly wet eyes started at Matt, "but that's obviously not the case." There was a faint plea in his voice, as he held his breath waiting for Matt's response. He didn't have to wait long.

"Are you saying that I'm the only one acting weird?" Voice was sharp as gaze looked away from the ground and focused back on Tai. "You _always _come to my concerts to lend me support, and on the biggest one you didn't show your face until afterwards. Is that _nothing _to you?"

Tail was absolutely speechless. Matt bit his lip to hold back his triumphant smirk.

_How does it feel now? I'm not the only asshole in the room Tai._

"Matt, I didn't come here to argue." Tai started, and noticing Matt's mouth was opening once again he quickly hurried to complete his train of thought. "I just wanted to try and figure things out. I know I made a mistake by not coming to your show, I'm sorry. But in all honesty, I didn't think it would be a big deal if I didn't show up."

_Please, tell me how wrong I was. I know I should have come, but I need to know. Please tell me, Matt. Please tell me how much you actually care. I need to know how much I really matter to you… I need to. _

"Why would you think that? Just because I didn't want to remember one little thing?" Confusion tainted the words. At the same time, voice seemed to shake in frustration.

_Damn it Tai, what kind of fucked up game are you playing?_

"No it's not that…" Voice was feeble as he attempted to justify his actions to the singer. Still a light flutter of hope came in his stomach. Sure Matt hadn't specially said that Tai's absence effected him, but he had denied it either.

_Maybe there's still hope…_

"Then what Tai?!" The angry tone broke Tai out of his hopeful dream and dragged him back to reality.

"Just forget it…" Tai finally murmured, not seeing anyway that he could explain himself to Matt. At least not now: when Matt was half-asleep and slightly aggravated. "I'm sorry though."

Matt fumed, but seeing the look of sincerity he couldn't find the heart to pursue the matter through argument. Instead a soft sigh escaped.

"It's ok, and I'm sorry if I gave you the impression I was ignoring you."

Those words brightened Tai's mood ten fold. And a small smile even tugged at the corner of his mouth as he looked at his best friend.

"Thanks Matt." Relief clung to the words like glue, as Tai shifted his body to a more comfortable position. Now that the nerves were gone, he could finally enjoy the comfort of this chair.

A shrug, as Matt slowly pulled himself off the sofa. An apologetic glance was shot at Tai, noticing the calm expression that now graced his face, as Matt began heading towards the door.

"Tai, can we pick this up tomorrow? I'm tired, and I have therapy tomorrow courtesy of Kuro's meddling." Matt explained quickly, hand already turning the doorknob. Tai blinked sleepily, and nodded lightly and after a bit of struggle he finally managed to get himself to his feet.

"Sure." Tai said, ears perking slightly at the word 'tomorrow'. Honestly he didn't know what else there was to discuss about the matter, expect the actual night in question. But there was no way Matt was talking about that…

_So what does he mean by 'pick this up'?_

"Great, do you need me to call you a taxi?" Matt asked, holding the door open for his old friend.

"No, don't worry about it I drove here." Tai said hastily, stepping out of the door. A frown came forth when he noticed Matt's failure to follow. "Wait a minute, aren't you going home?"

"Nope, Kuro's freaking out more then usual and booked us rooms in a hotel nearby." Matt explained, "And he still has yet to give me the exact details."

"Oh. Well I'll see you then."

A nod.

"Yea, see you…"

_Maybe today wasn't that horrible after all…_


	8. So Here Are Words Just Think Twice

**(**TWIST! So after thinking about it, I decided since I wasn't in love with the old chapter, and figured I'd fix that. Thus the twist was added. For the first time I really dunno what else to say. Expect, thanks for the reviews. And hopefully this chapter will actually keep you hooked.

I own nothing expect the thoughts, 'cause if I did own publishing rights don't you think there'd be an actual book? Not a good one mind you, but a book nonetheless.**)**

* * *

**So Here Are Words Just Think Twice**

"Matt, get up."

The deep voice of his manager forced Yamato to sleepily open one eye. Yawning as he stretched, Matt slowly moved into a sitting position. Groggily he looked at his manager with a perplexed expression on his face.

"What, happened?"

Kuro frowned, averting his attention from his cell phone to stare at the blonde.

"You feel asleep five seconds after the last interview, and we had to have one of the security guards carry you to the hotel room."

"So nothing happened after the interview?" A frown now creased over Matt's face. Kuro arched an eyebrow, looking at Matt as though he had two heads or something.

"Takashi was screaming something about his hair being ruined, but that was about it." Dark brown eyes studied Matt's face as he asked his own question, "why?"

"No reason." Matt quickly replied, standing up in a hurried matter. Head shook lightly as the manager began dialing some random number. He had no desire to figure out the teenage mind this early in the day, in fact he didn't really want to at all.

"Hurry up; you have therapy in an hour." And with that he waddled out of the room, yelling into his phone as he did so. Matt stood still for a moment, staring blankly at the door as mind seemed to wander off.

_So, that had all been a weird dream? Tai coming, Tai wanting to talk. All just one messed up dream? But it had seemed so, so real… Wait, why did I dream about him in the first place?_

A frustrated grunt, as he dragged his feet along the carpet to the bathroom. Hallow blue eyes greeted him as he started at his reflection in the mirror. The rest of his face matched perfectly with the eyes. There seemed to be no emotion on his face, as if he had just woken up from the dead. After finding out that was all a dream, it just seemed like nothing made sense anymore.

_You could try calling him…_

There was an idea. Besides it's not like he should expect Tai to act like in the dream and just randomly pop up apologizing for what happened.

_Maybe, maybe I should make the first attempt and see what happens. I mean maybe something serious happened and that's why he couldn't come…_

A pounding on the door broke Matt out of his thought, and he groaned hearing the familiar tap, tap, tap of a heavy boot: it was Kuro.

"MATT! FIVE MINUTES!"

"Ok, hold on."

Quickly washing away the remaining sleepiness that had stay on his face, he didn't even bother to brush his teeth and instead relied on the small bottle of mouthwash the hotel had provided. Remotely satisfied with his morning wash, Matt quickly changed out of his clothes from last night, into another pair of jeans and t-shirt. How _very_ creative. Slipping into his worn out sneakers, he made his way out the door. Kuro just handed him the address and a sandwich, not really caring that he hadn't put much effort into his appearance.

"There's a practice at noon," Kuro glanced down at his cell phone as it started blinking to show he was receiving a call, "so don't take some detour getting back."

"Got it." Matt muttered, watching as Kuro clicked his phone and began talking about setting up some sort of event with the band.

The first thing he noticed when he entered was the smell. Nose scrunched up the second he entered the room. It had a certain aroma to it, a mixture of outdated perfumes and failing deodorants. The stench was on the verge of unbearable, and yet he somehow managed to control the faint feeling of nausea.

_Kuro is __definitely_ _against spending more money then needed._

Shaking his head lightly, he quietly made his way to the single desk located in the dead center of the room. The lady who was there to man the phone seemed to be out of it as she typed away at her computer: completely oblivious to the fact someone was in front of her. Pale fingers tapped on the wooden desk frame, as a scrawl appeared on Matt's face. Still no movement from the lady. Aggravation was quickly forming, and a loud cough escaped him. The lady didn't even look up; instead she just shifted her focus to her nails for moment before even answering the cough.

"Here for an appointment?"

Teeth pressed against his tongue to stop a rather rude sarcastic comment from receiving life. But seriously, who asked an obvious question like that? Seriously, why else would he be here? But instead of a snappy reply he just nodded.

"Sign here, then." Her pale green eyes actually looked up at this question as she gestured to the clipboard. A second later, a surprised gasp and her hand barley managed to cover it as she recognized who she was looking at. "You're Yamato Ishida."

"Um yea." Matt said hesitantly, taking a hold of the clipboard and quickly signing in his name in the required slot. The lady just stared, goggle-eyed as though she couldn't believe her luck. Her pale green eyes shifted from the signature on the paper to Matt, a sort of hopefully in her eyes as she bats her fake eyelashes. Matt sighs, even a complete imbecile could figure out what she wanted.

"Do you have a pa-" before he could finish his sentence, a blank sheet of white paper had been pulled out of the desk and handed eagerly to the singer. Faking a grin, the paper was flattened on the desk. "Who do I make this out to?"

"Nana."

Matt gave a quick nod, and wrote a rather messy note before signing his name. As he handed it to her, a squeal erupted as the paper was hugged.

"Thank you! Thank you!"

The fake smile just stayed, as he shrugged.

"No problem." Before she could continue cheering, the phone rang. Quickly she placed the paper on the desk, and pressed a random button to begin the conversation. Relieved, Matt quickly made his way to an empty seat, eyes turning to stare at the clock hanging overhead. He had no idea how long he would be forced to sit in this musty room, but oh God he hoped it wouldn't be long.

"Yamato Ishida, correct?"

Matt glanced up to see a graying man looking down at him. His eyes were pale gray, and a single notebook was held in his ragged hands. Matt nodded, standing up as he did so.

"I'm Dr. Egami, if you would be so kind as to follow me."

The two made their way to the door behind the desk; Matt was startled as he saw the patient before him shaking in fear as he stood by the desk to set up his next appointment. It looked like the poor man had been tortured or something. Egami glanced at Matt, and see the fear now exposed on his face a soft smile came on the wrinkled face.

"Don't worry about Gorou he has a complicated mental problem." The therapist replied, patting Matt's shoulder as though it would help ease him out of his worried state. The rock star just stared, not sure how to handle the situation. Finally he nodded, entering the room: beginning his inexpensive therapy session.

"Now, I understand you're here because your father had some concerns?"

Matt stifled a laugh, as the therapist blinked in confusion not sure as to why the question had appeared to be amusing. After calming himself, Matt quickly corrected the old man.

"My manager, Kuro is my manager."

"My mistake," Egami quickly said, scribbling down something on his thick notebook, "your manager then had some concerns about your state of mind." There was a pause, as he iron-rimmed glasses slipped down his nose. "I believe he said you attempted suicide?"

"Yes."

Egami frowned, as though he had hoped for a more detailed response from the teen. Or at least some more emotion instead of the calm tone he had received.

"What stopped you?"

A nervous shift, as blue eyes studied the floor beneath him.

"My friend, Tai."

The therapist gave a nod, satisfied that they were at least getting somewhere now. Making a brief note, he continued with the session.

"I assume you are very close to this, Tai."

"Yea, he's been my best friend for years."

Another nod, another scribble.

"And how do you feel about him?"

Matt involuntarily cringed, and eyes were still focused on the ground.

"That he's my best friend, and I can trust him with anything?"

_How long am I going to be forced to be here?_

For a moment there was silence, as Egami wrote down his latest theory.

"Don't you think he would have been crushed if you had succeeded?"

"I guess I didn't think of that." It was a lie, of course he had thought of it that night. He just figured eventually everyone would move on. One being cannot possible matter that much, not in an infinite universe. Few people are remembered long after their death, and even when they are it's out of admiration. Not longing, not grief, admiration.

"And what were your thoughts during that moment?"

_God, this guy really knows how to keep a conversation moving…_

"That I was going to jump of the building."

Egami sighed, head shaking as he placed down his pen and looked at the teenager.

"Now Matt, please work with me, why did you want to?"

_Great, now I actually to think up replies. _

"I guess I just didn't see the use in getting up for another day and going through the same stuff over and over again." Matt replied finally, eyes turning from the floor to look at the man. The briefest of smiles came at Matt's sudden interest.

"And how long have you had these feelings?"

"I dunno, a couple years maybe?"

"Do you remember what happened around the time you starting feeling this way?"

"Two years ago," Matt frowned as he tried to remember anything exciting that happened, and then he remembered. And once he started he couldn't stop. "That was the year we reached the top charts. After that I didn't think there was anything more the band could bring me. With that hit everything would become a great blur of concerts, photo shoots, and magazines. That was the year I released I reached the point where I was now on a steady job, and nothing exciting was going to happen. Life would continue like this until the band quit, and then what would I do? Buy stuff to make me feel better, go into drugs? What kind of life is that?"

Egami gapped, surprised at Matt's in dept response. It was so different from the half-thought out responses he had been giving.

"That was very deep, Matt." He said finally, smiling lightly to show he was proud at the fact he had opened up. Matt just shrugged; leaning back in the chair he had been sitting it. He had pretty much covered everything, and he knew that would make the therapist satisfied. It had before, which is why he had made sure to remember that response in case the question had come up again. He did however fail to mention one thing…

_That was the year he told me who he loved...  
_


	9. But Now the Moment’s Seem to Come

I'm sooo sorry for the long wait. A lot of stuff came up including a car crash, a part time job, and my muse ditching me for the hundredth time. I reallly appreciate all the people who actually waited, and anticipated this chapter.

And so to make sure it was worth the wait, I decided to get the plot moving. Tell me what you all think. I mean that's why they invented reviews right? Don't forget two reviews. But now with my job, I don't know how soon I'll get the next chapter up. Because I've seen how fast I actually get 2 reviews. Thank you all so much for that.

I only own my thoughts, not the characters, not even the chapter titles. So don't sue me, it's really not nice. Especially for someone who has to pay the insurance company 500 because she crashed her mom's car. So you wouldn't get much anyway.

**But Now the Moment's Seem to Come**

A deep sigh escaped the brunette as he stared at the pitiful face staring at him. Dark circles surrounded dark colored eyes making it obvious the owner of the eyes had not gotten enough sleep the night before. Eyes closed tightly hoping that when they opened again the face would be gone. Slowly he counted to three and eyes snapped open. And there it was his haunted looking expression. Groaning, hands ran themselves under the faucet before the water was flung onto the pathetic looking face.

"I'm such a wreck." Voice was barely audible as a pale hand ran through the tangled mess of hairs. A single heavy sigh and then he slowly made his way towards the door. What he desperately needed was a nice hot cup of coffee. He didn't have any desire to even change out of his pajamas, and just pulled a jacket over his pjs and headed out the door.

Slippers slipped against concrete sidewalk. The blank look in his face stayed the entire time, even as he did enter the corporate giant that was starbucks coffee.

"One caffé misto and cinnamon bun," he ordered not even bothering to wait for a greeting. The worker just nodded, ringing up the order as quickly as possible.

"That will be 500 yen." The worker replied, holding out a hand to obtain the money. Tai sighed, handing the cash over. Eyes watched as the money was stashed away from his life and put away in the cash register. Still all thoughts about losing money were lost the second the latte and pastry where handed to him.

Grinning, Tai silently made his way to hunt down an empty table. As he turned around the grin was wiped off his face when he found himself face to face with the guy he had been avoiding.

"Tai, fancy meeting you here." Yamato's voice was cold as he took a sip out of his own frosted beverage. Piercing blue eyes stayed focused on him. Tai inwardly shivered as he stared into those eyes before taking a quick bite out of breakfast. This earned him an 'I can't believe you just did that' glare for the pop star.

"Oh um, hey Matt," Tai said quickly taking a sip of the scalding hot coffee. Fighting the urge from screaming in pain, tongue was bitten down sharply by pearly white teeth. An amused look formed on Matt's face as he watched his best friend try to hold back the pained expression.

"Tai, burning your tongue isn't going to get you out of explaining why you didn't even have the courtesy to tell me yourself that you wouldn't come to the biggest show of my career." Despite the anger that was pulsing through his veins, Matt managed to keep a calm tone thanks to the recent therapy session he just got through with. Blue eyes never shifted as he waited for some sort of response.

Tai sighed heavily, quickly taking a bite in an attempt to cool down his scorching tongue.

"Matt, can we at least sit down?" A brief glance was spared at the crowd of onlookers who found the scene that was forming to be quite entertaining. Which wasn't saying much considering all they were doing was buying some coffee, and so they were pretty open to finding practically anything entertaining at the moment.

"Sure." Matt replied, waving a hand to usher his friend over to the nearest empty table. It didn't stop the onlookers, but it at least stopped the two from blocking people trying to pickup their coffees. Sitting down quickly, Matt took another sip of his drink as he watched his best friend sit down across from him.

"Now talk."

"Matt, I don't know what to say."

A strained laugh was barked out, as the singer stared at the guy in disbelief.

"You better think of something Tai," blue eyes never moved a muscle as fingers tapped against the table, "I mean it was the biggest concert to date!"

"So everything's just about you?" Voice was sharp as Tai glared up at the celebrity. Hand grasped his drink tightly to prevent himself from punching the blonde right on the nose. "So the only reason you're pissed is because it was a big night for _you_? And not everyone showed up? Oh big fucking deal." He growled, chopping down on the roll.

"Tai, I'm pissed because my best fucking friend didn't care enough." Matt replied, sucking on the straw of the blended frappuccino. "I couldn't care less about the concert."

Tai blinked, shock flooding his eyes.

"Wait, you actually care more about me then the concert?"

Matt stared in disbelief, eyes widening.

"Tai are you really that stupid?" A light smile played across his face as he stared at the messy haired boy in front of him. "You're my closest friend; I couldn't have gotten this far without your support. In fact I wouldn't even be here today if it wasn't for you."

Tai twitched uncomfortably, brown eyes shifting downward before looking back up. A sincere apology filled his eyes.

"Matt, I'm so sorry." He whispered, the cinnamon bun and coffee were both forgotten. "Last night I thought you just didn't need me."

"Tai, you're the biggest idiot in the world." Matt replied, smirking as he sipped his beverage. "Of course I need you."

And for the first time since the kiss, a smile spread across Tai's face as he sheepishly scratched his head.

"Thanks Matt," then a sudden thought hit him and the smile was replaced by a confused frown. "Wait, why are you so happy? The Matt I know would be punching some sense into me instead of trying to explain his feelings."

"Just got through we a therapy session, he gave a prescription of happy pills," Matt calmly stated continuing to enjoy his icy cool beverage, "I guess they work better then the other ones." He gave a faint shrug.

A frown made its way on Tai's face not sure as to how to react to his friend's confession. So instead he just sipped his hot drink and nibbled on his breakfast pastry. Just then a loud high pitched beep echoed in the coffee shop. Matt nearly leaped out of his seat as he wiped out his high-classed cell phone.

"Aw shit, Kuro set an alarm for the practice today. I've got five minutes to get there." Head shook in misery as the singer lifted himself out of his chair. "I'm sorry Tai, I gotta run."

Tai just nodded an understanding look on his face. The second the word Kuro had been uttered Tai knew that Matt had to go actually do something. The manager to Tai always seemed to be straight from the ashes of hell by the way he treated the band. Then again Tai had only met the guy a couple times. But that was irrelevant point.

"Don't worry Matt, I know you're manager's a demon." Tai replied, giving a light smile as he stood up to say a proper goodbye. And by proper, he meant a quick man handshake. Yamato nodded, slurping the last of his drink.

"Yup, and if I'm late I'll be tortured." There was a pause as the two guys stared at each for a moment, before saying goodbye. "I'll see you later, Tai."

"Good, because I need to get some answers from you next time." Tai replied; finally awake enough to actually figure out what had just happened. His own smirk played across his features at Matt's stunned expression as he stared at the brunette; heart pounding. Tai just crossed his arms, staring down the person before him. Finally Matt nodded.

"Ok." That simple word was enough for Tai to grin obviously pleased. It was the best agreement he was going to get from the usually cold hearted blonde.

"Good, see you then."

And with that Matt was gone, rushing out the door to get to the practice on time. Or only a couple minutes late. Tai sighed, sitting down to finish up his breakfast undisturbed. This lasted about five seconds.

"Tai?"

The familiar voice caused Tai's head to tilt up in a flash. Brown eyes stared at the figure before him.

"Sora, hey."

A current and former love.

What were the odds in running into the two? And at the same coffee shop with a few minutes?

It had to be high, right?

_Damn I'm just unlucky…_


End file.
